Skipping devotions and breakfast, I made it to church around 7:25. I putzed around my office, putting things back in order after moving the desks yesterday. Looking around I liked what I’d done. It was almost 8 when I headed to the parlor. Six men sat in a circle, a round coffee table at their center. I recognized some of them also noting a couple of absences. A seventh chair sat vacant; they invited me to sit.
“We lost Matt.”
For the next twenty minutes, I sat with them as they took turns sharing thoughts and feelings about how Matt had influenced their lives, how he’d shaped their group, how they still had much to learn from his calm, centered example. We spent three minutes in meditation, something Matt had led in the past but which Steve led today. Two cell phones announced their presence during that time, and afterward we joked about that being a real test to being present to our meditation. Soon after, I excused myself.
When I decided to skip my morning practice, I thought I was just being lazy or something. I need regular prayer and meditation to help me stay centered. And if I skip even one day, it’s easy to skip the next. (That’s how my yoga practice fell apart, something I’m still working to reinstate.)
I need practices and didn’t think well of myself for choosing to skip out on this one. How could I have known that veering from my pattern was exactly the right thing for that morning? Only by showing up did I realize this was what I was supposed to do.
When night comes and you examine your day, hold it gently. Assume that you did what you could. Reflect on the lives you touched. And if you find yourself mentally scolding, dig a bit deeper. Notice what good thing might have come out of that choice. Whose day might have been better? Whose load a little lighter? Might creation have cheered for some little thing you did? If you need to, remind yourself of something you can work to do better. Then thank God and let it go. Rest in the confidence that your day was as it needed to be.
“We lost Matt.”
For the next twenty minutes, I sat with them as they took turns sharing thoughts and feelings about how Matt had influenced their lives, how he’d shaped their group, how they still had much to learn from his calm, centered example. We spent three minutes in meditation, something Matt had led in the past but which Steve led today. Two cell phones announced their presence during that time, and afterward we joked about that being a real test to being present to our meditation. Soon after, I excused myself.
When I decided to skip my morning practice, I thought I was just being lazy or something. I need regular prayer and meditation to help me stay centered. And if I skip even one day, it’s easy to skip the next. (That’s how my yoga practice fell apart, something I’m still working to reinstate.)
I need practices and didn’t think well of myself for choosing to skip out on this one. How could I have known that veering from my pattern was exactly the right thing for that morning? Only by showing up did I realize this was what I was supposed to do.
When night comes and you examine your day, hold it gently. Assume that you did what you could. Reflect on the lives you touched. And if you find yourself mentally scolding, dig a bit deeper. Notice what good thing might have come out of that choice. Whose day might have been better? Whose load a little lighter? Might creation have cheered for some little thing you did? If you need to, remind yourself of something you can work to do better. Then thank God and let it go. Rest in the confidence that your day was as it needed to be.
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