As I prepare to write though, I see the above picture in the desktop folder, waiting for its moment. And I wonder, how did my personal busyness supplant the empathy that has sometimes shut me down? The quick answer is that humans are not built to live in, or even next to, ongoing crisis. Not letting myself off the hook that easily, I continue to wonder, how did I go from reading every piece the New York Times printed about Russia’s invasion of Ukraine and the subsequent war to skimming the headlines and reading one, maybe two, pieces before turning off my phone? In only one hundred days?
That’s how long it’s been, 100 days since families, businesses, places of worship, everything was upended for our Ukrainian neighbors. One hundred days was enough to awaken the European Union, a sleeping giant no longer, and for folks there (and some here) to welcome thousands, no, millions of Ukrainian refugees.
The world has not forgotten this crisis or the opportunity it provides for us to exercise our humanity as we reach out to others in their need. But… their need and others’ response no longer seems to be front and center. Too many other crises have crowded into the foreground of our concern. One hundred days seems like a short time. Yet how much has happened since Februrary 24th. We might think of the lives taken violently as young, white males used guns to assert their manhood. Or of police officers who forgot or ignored the basics of their jobs or their responsibility to those they serve. How many women and men are on edge about abortion access, or simply a removal of a 50-year-old right? How many ordinary folk have moved even further toward the edges of a spectrum that reflects their ability to connect with others who aren’t just like them?
Compassion fatigue is a term used primarily to describe the exhaustion experienced by those in helping professions. Psychology Today tells us that “the more such individuals open themselves up to others' pain, the more likely they will come to share those victims' feelings of heartbreak and devastation. This sapped ability to cope with secondary trauma can lead to total exhaustion of one’s mental and physical state.” While not diminishing the toll of such work, my thought is that many of us (ordinary) folks are similarly struggling. Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary’s secondary definition for compassion fatigue might – at least in odd moments – apply to most of us:
“apathy or indifference toward the suffering of others as the result of overexposure to tragic news stories and images and the subsequent appeals for assistance.”
How are you holding up? Can you still access your passion, your motivation to keep caring? Or are you used up and trying to give from an empty place? Those in the know say that a media fast can really help in circumstances like these. Have you taken one lately? What would lead you to try it? It's been two years since I attempted a media fast (and that one was brief) yet if something within you cheered when you read the words “media fast” you’d do well to listen to your inner voice. Try it.
Whether you’re free-faced or still masking, are you making opportunities to connect with the ones who feed your being? And no matter your workload, paid and unpaid, are you allowing yourself some sabbath rest? I admit, now that I’m not working full-time I seldom make this happen but I know it kept me going while I serving churches. I’m not talking 24 hours. Two hours spent browsing your favorite shops, 20 minutes doing walkabout in your yard or through your neighborhood, an hour cuddling with that special one – all of these and more can be sabbath if we let them.* Just invite the Spirit, or whatever you call her/them, to be part of your experience. And let yourself be refreshed.
And whenever you find that your attention to others’ crises is sapped, be gentle with yourself.
* I've heard from multiple sources that in the Mishnah (the first written record of the Jewish Oral Law) rabbis are strongly encouraged to include sex with their spouses as part of their Sabbath practice.
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