Epiphanies and Other Learnings

e·piph·a·ny/ əˈpifənē/

noun

3 a (1) : a usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something (2) : an intuitive grasp of reality through something (such as an event) usually simple and striking (3) : an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure

I'd intended to write this entry before year's end. Some event had caught my attention, making me think about epiphanies. I thought I wrote it down to work on later and I asked Facebook friends to share epiphanies they'd experienced, or any learning they'd noticed in the last year. When I went back to what I’d written I couldn’t find it. I looked on both laptops at the house. I never did find it so this idea went onto the back burner to be revisited another day. Today's that day.

I never did remember what prompted me to think this would be a good idea. Never found my notes. But I regularly experience epiphanies. Do you? Times when that "Ahhh!" or "Ah-ha" pops out of your mouth (or at least into your head)?

This past summer one epiphany came as I was settling into my new church appointment and was reminded that different churches have different styles. I'd learned this right away in pastoral ministry as I worked with three churches at once and found that each one had their own story, their own ways, their own hopes and fears and joys. Here at Wausau, we all worship the same God, but we do it in ways that reflect our own context.

Another epiphany came just a few weeks ago. As background, I've been regularly praying for a friend for a couple years. They're a great person; I love them. But I suspect that fear is keeping them from moving forward and living as fully as they can. So anyway, one night in January as I was finally trying to get back into my meditation practice, I was reflecting on this friend and the fear I notice. Maybe it was what I'd been reading (Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love) but as I lifted up my friend, I realized that fear has – still – been getting in the way of living my own life.

Wow! I hadn't realized! I've been thinking about this off and on since then, asking myself about this fear and what I need to do both to honor it and to step away from it some more so that I can live more fully. Okay, with me so far? Then on Thursday I was rereading some old journal entries from two years ago (another practice I really need to get back to – journalling, that is) and there in black ink from my G-2 pen I had written about this same fear! I don't know about you, but I clearly need reminders about what's important, what I need to remember and revisit.

This message isn't at all what I thought it would be about when I sent out the call asking friends to share learnings or epiphanies they'd had. Still here are some things they shared. I'd love it if you'd share your own, maybe below as a comment, or on Facebook.

Happy reading.

• Bad grades aren't the end of the world.

• I was commissioned to paint four posters for my brother's business. Though I completed them all to specification, I was never fully satisfied with one of them, but that is his favorite. This happened a few times.
  Sometimes other people see value in things that I don't, especially in my own work.

• During the past year I have been intentionally working to connect more with people on a casual, day-to-day basis. I have a simple goal of making eye contact and smiling to at least three people every time I enter a store, a meeting, or place of business. (Yeah, I know this bar is pretty low, but I am trying to form a habit that doesn’t come naturally to me!) I do notice how much happier I feel after doing this and hope the people I connected with feel the same way. Just this last week, I was reading an essay by Richard Rohr in which he was discussing the importance of connection. He made the statement—“God resides in the connection with others.” This stopped me cold in my reading tracks! I have given much thought to this over the past few days and have noticed that the actions we label as positive, or Christian, rely on connection. Love, compassion, support, helpfulness, unity, acceptance----the list goes on and on. If we look at the actions we label as negative, or unchristian, we could name exclusion, greed, anger, selfishness, hatred, mockery; actions that separate our connections with others. A simple concept, but life-changing for me: God resides in the connections with others.

• I really don't know ... I mean, I've had a bunch of realizations ... cars aren't supposed to be exciting, they are a tool; I don't think I can get paid to do really meaningful work ... I think you have to earn your money elsewhere and volunteer to do that when the time comes.

Practicing and Failing

Since September I’ve been doing pretty well practicing my morning devotions. I took off during my staycation between Christmas and the New Year, but got right back into it in January. Then Thursday as I got ready for my day, I looked at my chair with the bible, study and prayer books and glasses on the table next to it and thought, “I’m not going to do that today.” I didn’t have any good reason except that I wanted to get to church while the men’s group was still meeting. I told myself since I hadn’t left the church until 8:30 last night, I’d be breaking my twelve-hour rule (staying away from there for 12 hours) but I persevered in my choice. 

Skipping devotions and breakfast, I made it to church around 7:25. I putzed around my office, putting things back in order after moving the desks yesterday. Looking around I liked what I’d done. It was almost 8 when I headed to the parlor. Six men sat in a circle, a round coffee table at their center. I recognized some of them also noting a couple of absences. A seventh chair sat vacant; they invited me to sit.

“We lost Matt.”

For the next twenty minutes, I sat with them as they took turns sharing thoughts and feelings about how Matt had influenced their lives, how he’d shaped their group, how they still had much to learn from his calm, centered example. We spent three minutes in meditation, something Matt had led in the past but which Steve led today. Two cell phones announced their presence during that time, and afterward we joked about that being a real test to being present to our meditation. Soon after, I excused myself.

When I decided to skip my morning practice, I thought I was just being lazy or something. I need regular prayer and meditation to help me stay centered. And if I skip even one day, it’s easy to skip the next. (That’s how my yoga practice fell apart, something I’m still working to reinstate.)

I need practices and didn’t think well of myself for choosing to skip out on this one. How could I have known that veering from my pattern was exactly the right thing for that morning? Only by showing up did I realize this was what I was supposed to do.

When night comes and you examine your day, hold it gently. Assume that you did what you could. Reflect on the lives you touched. And if you find yourself mentally scolding, dig a bit deeper. Notice what good thing might have come out of that choice. Whose day might have been better? Whose load a little lighter? Might creation have cheered for some little thing you did? If you need to, remind yourself of something you can work to do better. Then thank God and let it go. Rest in the confidence that your day was as it needed to be.

On Considering a Different Leadership Model

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I was at the Church of the Resurrection in Kansas City, Kansas in September. Thursday evening, there was a special program so I hung around campus after the final afternoon session. Sitting at one of the patio tables outside the huge building, I tried to work on Sunday's sermon while simultaneously enjoying the lovely autumn afternoon. It all became a bit more challenging when the lawn service people showed up.

I paused to watch them as they worked. Two were maneuvering what looked like industrial-sized weed whackers. Another swung a large leaf blower around like he’d had lots of practice. The two John Deere vehicles seemed like crosses between Segways and riding mowers. Their riders standing on back looked like they were having a blast zipping over curbs and around parking trees, winding this way and that. But the job got done, and – it seemed – with very few extra runs. They were most efficient.

This seems like a perfect example of what we in the church would love to do, but seldom actually achieve. Often we want to do a new thing but in old ways – ways that are inefficient and part of what made the old things ineffective. Or, we mean to do some good thing, but we get lost in the "how-to" details. I don't know about other denominations but United Methodist Churches has been around long enough to have a fair amount of "red tape." Do we really need to run our idea past this committee and that one? Maybe not; if we know what we're doing and what it requires of the church – members, time, money – maybe we only need to ask one and inform the rest. Too often good ministry doesn't happen because too many people are involved, too many can slow down the process, too many can say "no." 

The Accountable Leadership Model seems like an excellent way to revamp our old, comfortable church structures. I attended a workshop last summer and have been reading and considering possibilities since then. In an Accountable Leadership structure. ...

• All church leaders are selected for their discipleship first. 
• One group takes the place of all church committees, with the more experienced or knowledgeable ones taking the lead when conversation moves to, say, human relations or stained glass. 

This may seem crazy at first glance but think of the people you know in church who ...

• Are so busy with committees or ministry teams that they don't have time actually to be involved in a local mission or ministry; or who
• Believe they're doing enough ministry simply by attending those meetings.

The church needs to help people remember what church is all about. Some get it, but many think it's about Sunday morning and some charity. The church exists so that we can be disciples – by practicing justice, compassion, worship (yes), and personal devotion/prayer – and so that by doing we can invite and welcome others to join us in this activity. Anything other than that is a social organization. They can do good work too but they're not about discipleship which is what Christ calls us to be as the church.

So, anyway, I'm promoting that churches consider whether an accountable leadership model might work for them. It might not work for the largest churches, they may need more structures, but most churches aren't that big. And anything that has the potential to get more of us out outside the church walls and outside our own assumptions ought to be considered. Talk to your (other) church leaders about it.

And blessings in the Christmas season.

Ah, peace...

News of him spread even more and huge crowds gathered to listen and to be healed from their illnesses. But Jesus would withdraw to deserted places for prayer. Luke 5:15-16

Early in the morning, well before sunrise, Jesus rose and went to a deserted place where he could be alone in prayer. Mark 1:35

After he had sent the crowds away, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray; and when it was evening, he was there alone. Matthew 14:23

How do you stand it? I mean how do you manage to get anything done with other people around?

I love my family. Don’t get me wrong. I loved spending time with eleven people in that big house in Pennsylvania over Thanksgiving – with all its food and drink and laughter and everyone talking at once and kittens running underfoot.

But I’ve discovered something about myself since Kay moved to campus two years ago. I like my solitude. I need it. And I work better when I have quiet.

I know that’s not the case for everyone. But if you’re like me, how do you deal with it?

Kay’s home with me for part of December. Today’s her birthday and her dad’s here also. Mostly they’ve given me the quiet I need so I can get things done. But once in a while I suddenly wake up to realize that not only are they talking in the room where I’m trying to work but they’re doing it from either side of me!

I grab my hair and massage my scalp and remember that this is all good stuff and I’m glad they’re here and have this time together.

We’re all – each of us – crazy, unique mixes of lively and peaceful, funny and serious, ambitious and relaxed. We each have our own ways.

Last night I got to sit in a big room with about 800 people, most us watching and listening to the others’ gift of music for this season of Advent. I’d been looking forward to that evening for months and it was wonderful. I wouldn’t have traded it for anything. (Thank you, A1 music ministry folks!)

Now that my work's almost done, I wouldn’t trade this day either. A cello is playing “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel” on the Sonos. Kay is preparing tea. And Mickey's sitting at the table preparing for his next effort to motivate Kay to leave the house and go out and do something with him.

As I said, we’re all different. I’m learning – ok, I’m slow at some things – that this really is fine and good and, if we let it be, even wonderful.

I love being social – and it’s great to have figured out ways I can “fit in.” (It’s probably a good thing I wasn’t popular in my younger days thought. I’d never have finished anything and I left a great many things unfinished as it was.) I accept that while I can go elsewhere and enjoy that moment with a crowd of people, I’m quiet at home. That quiet if good for me.

I’m getting so much better at accepting others’ ways too. Today, I’ll remind myself that while their ways can be fine (for them), my ways are also equally fine (for me). And if my welcome of their intrusion is somewhat imperfect it’s good enough for today.

Introvert or Extrovert, for this day, for this week, be gentle with yourself. Love yourself as you love others.

John Farrier has posted some great graphs about introverts that seem spot on: