“Did you hear about ...”

    Where there is no fuel a fire goes out;
        where there is no gossip arguments come to an end. Proverbs 26:20

I’m preparing a presentation for tomorrow morning on “gossip.” Markus, our lead pastor, has repeatedly said that he liked the way I defined it a few months ago. I wish I could remember the words I used.

I think gossip is a power play. As in, I have knowledge and this makes me important. I can share it with the ones I want to and leave others in the dark. We've seen it at play in churches. Linda calls everyone at church to complain about the pastor changing the music at church (or the flowers or using something other than The Apostles Creed). Fred vents at choir about what George said during a recent finance meeting. Ladies in the kitchen chat about this person and that, not noticing when they stray into the personal. The prayer coordinator shares - with just a few friends - details that he ought to keep to himself.

Sharon Strand Ellison, in her book Taking the War Out of Our Words, includes gossiping as a kind of “Surrender-Sabotage” defensive reaction. “Surrender-Sabotage” is when a person cooperates or gives in – outwardly – but then proceeds to undermine the other person in some way. I’d say gossip fits in that category.

Gossip, by my definition, is saying something about a person that you wouldn't say if he was standing there, or at least not say that way. It’s telling one person something about another person, without permission, which the listener has no business knowing.

And here’s the kicker… It doesn't matter if we mean no harm – not to the ones we injure, not to the churches or other organizations whose relationships are fractured because of the gossip, not to ourselves after people stop trusting us because we spread stories.

Yes, we spread stories. This is not only for the people on the other side of the screen. I regularly catch myself up, wondering, did I have to say that to this person? Could I have shared less of the story? Should I to have asked him why he was telling me about her? Did I unthinkingly violate a trust?

I read The Chronicles of Narnia to Kay not so many years ago. One of the scenes that has stayed with me occurred in A Horse and His Boy. Aslan (the G-d figure) had just helped the boy Shasta to escape from a scary situation. Shasta asks Aslan about what is happening to his friend, Aravis. Aslan tells him (rather sharply, in my memory) that this is not a part of his story.

In other words, never-you-mind. Pay attention to your own story.

There, maybe I’m ready.