Almost ready!

Most of my items are packed in my backpack and I’m nearly ready to go.

I had everything into that perfectly sized - 9 inches x 14 inches x 22 inches (22 cm x 35 cm x 56 cm), including handles and wheels – travel suitcase that I’d picked up second-hand a couple months ago. And I had room to spare, even with the food I pack. But last night I couldn’t sleep. My gut was all in an uproar, probably something I ate but also due to nerves. So many “Should I take this?” or “What if I forget --?” questions assailing my mind.

So after midnight I finally gave up pretending that sleep was coming. I pulled out the other skirt and sweater I’d thought of, tried on the skirt, and decided to make the change. Then I repacked everything into my travel backpack (also with wheels and handle.) After that, I sat on the bed and tried a little meditation – very little – until things settled down internally enough that I could sleep.

Every time any big event comes around – every trip, every interview – and even plenty of smaller ones, I get anxious. I don’t like it, but there it is. I’ve worried my daughter this week, because every day after work I’ve come home in a state – picky, unreasonable and generally not pleasant to be around (that last bit is my take).

I remind myself that by Saturday evening, all this will be behind me. I’ll be on the plane. I remind myself that even when (not if) I forget something, how bad could it be? I tell myself to leave it in God’s hands. This helps… momentarily. When I’m focused on “work” I’m fine, but at home, I’m a bit of a mess.

Oh, I haven’t told you yet… I’m going to be part of the Wesley Pilgrimage in England, for 10 days of walking, learning, touring and experiencing. (I’d give you the Facebook page, but it’s a secret group.) We’ll visit a number of sites that were important to John and/or Charles Wesley’s faith journey, and so a part of our Wesleyan heritage as Methodists. We’ll hear lectures about Covenant Discipleship and Wesleyan small groups, among other things.

People speak of anticipatory pleasure as they prepare for an event. I’ve felt that, but not so often of late. I’m just eager for this bit to be over. I think I’m actually looking forward to motion sickness, since I’ll be actively into the excursion then. (I’ve packed my crystalized ginger!)

By now you’re wondering, why did I write all this (if you haven’t given up entirely)? Well, here it is…

There are plenty of times in life when we’re given well-meaning advise on how to deal with our troubles, whatever they are.

“Talk to your friends.”
“If you trusted God enough… (I’m not even going to finish that one).”
“Give it time.”
“Take a walk.”
“Give it over to God.”

Except for the second one – which you should throw out entirely – any of it could be helpful. But the problem doesn’t go away after we do any or all of these. It doesn’t go away until we’re done with it – until we’ve grieved long enough, made peace with it, forgiven, gotten on the plane…

Don’t let anyone else tell you different.

Until next time, which might be in two weeks rather than next Saturday, may God bless you and motivate you to do what you need in order to take care of yourself and all God's other beloved.