A Thing of Beauty

David Sees Bathsheba Washing and Invites Her to His Palace
from The Story of David, Brussels, ca 1526–28

First off, apologies to those of you who look for something here each week. I’ve been working to reenergize after last month’s wonderful, but also energy-depleting, Wesley Pilgrimage. And – this may be the larger part – I’ve been struggling with my perfectionism which has left me dissatisfied with whatever I might have posted.

I’m a One on the Enneagram. I knew I was a perfectionist long before I heard of that tool. Then, in seminary we took an Enneagram test which said that – no surprise here – I really am one. The test was useful though as it helped me understand that like any character trait, this one has its good and its bad aspects. It only gets really gets in the way when I let it be in charge, instead of using what it can tell me as a reference point.

There are nine character types on the Enneagram and it’s interesting to read about them. I’d surely steer you wrong if I tried to say more, but there are lots of good resources, if you want to learn about it. I only bring it up to say that we all have a certain way that we interact with the world. Each way can be helpful as we work to make sense of all that is happening in our lives. And each can interfere when we let it be in the driver’s seat.

For me, as a One, it’s about expecting too much of myself. Words like critical, resentful and self-judging are often used to describe my “type”.  We take ourselves too seriously and we're disappointed a lot. I can obsess about my writing, my piano playing, or even the look of my desktop. (We’re the ones who know there’s a right way to fold laundry.)

On the plus side, we’re conscientious, responsible, self-disciplined. We work at being the best we can be and bringing out the best in other people. We have a high ethics that we generally can’t compromise, so we work hard to make the world a better place.

When I was researching my “type” a couple years ago, I found that besides “Perfectionist” we can also be called “Reformer”. I like that. It describes what is inside me in a positive way and I’ve tried to own it.

My question for you is: what is your go-to way of being? At your best, how do you respond to the world? And at your worst, what is your automatic setting? Have you allowed yourself to embrace all of that?

Each of us is like a tapestry, or maybe like that cross-stitch I labored at years ago. It would have looked something like this if I'd ever finished it.

We each have the presentable side we want to show the world. Then if we flip it over, we see all the messy work that went into making us who we are. Lots of us get this idea that we need to hide the messy side, or worse, pretend it doesn’t exist. But without it we wouldn’t be who we are, any more than that tapestry could be a thing of beauty.

Your task this week – should you choose to accept it – is to work at seeing who you are, both aspects, as a thing of beauty. I keep remembering that onesie I once saw on a toddler, “God doesn’t make junk.”

For it was you who formed my inward parts;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
    Wonderful are your works; that I know very well. Psalm 139:13-18