stream of consciousness

I'd like to tell you about an exciting development in my journey with tick-borne illness. First, you need to understand that while I’ve always needed 8½ hours sleep to function well, I’ve suffered from insomnia since at least high school. Fifteen years ago, I went through a couple years of sleeping for only three to four hours a night. I simply couldn’t get to sleep! Thankfully, pharmaceuticals helped to break that cycle. More recently I added ashwagandha to my evening regimen. Last winter, I bumped up my melatonin intake. But even with these, falling asleep could take hours.

Then last month I started sleeping easily. As in, I finish my self-Reiki, turn onto my side, relax my jaw and tongue, and it’s morning. This has almost never happened and it’s awesome! As with the jaw issue that disappeared recently, I’d never considered that the insomnia might be tied to tick illnesses but, other than treating these, all other factors have remained constant. 

I don’t recall if I’ve mentioned it but in January it seemed that while the Lyme was improving, something else was growing worse. Now that my brain is working better (better, not well) I can research and retain some of what I read. This study suggests multiple infections with Bartonella dominating so I shifted treatment. Apparently when one has more brain and central nervous system symptoms (as I do) Bartonella – which can be harder to treat and put into remission than Lyme – is the likely culprit. (Sigh.)

Anyway, I’ve been treating myself gently, as I encourage you to do. When I’m fatigued, I don’t power through as often. (When I do, it sets me back.) Frustratingly, this leaves lots of projects and chores undone. I’ve hesitated to have over the friend who helped install kitchen cabinets last month because I’m embarrassed for them to see how little I’ve accomplished since then. I lament the life that’s passing me by. These thoughts are depleting though, so I don’t let them stay long. Instead, I return to my mantra, “Healing.”

This is not a “Woe-is-me” message. (Please, no Care emojis!) People are dealing with depression, poverty, MS… We all have stuff. I think of the Afghan women, recent refugees, whom I help tutor. How hard it must be to leave everyone and everything (family, friends, homes, gardens) for a strange and sometimes hostile new home! The Taliban’s absence and educational opportunities for their daughters may be all that keeps them going some days.

Summer has finally come to northern Wisconsin. With summer comes the annual conference season. Wisconsin United Methodists met in Green Bay last week to attend to church business. News of the Florida conference’s vote not to ordain their class of provisional members because two of that group are GLBTQIA+ individuals laid a pall on the gathering for some of us. My own week had been more symptomatic than usual, so I wasn’t in a great mood already. As we walked toward the ballroom for the first session, a retired colleague asked, “Is life still good – even with the Lyme?” I admit, I considered for a moment before deciding that the answer was as it has been. Yes! Life is good.

With only few comments to my posts, I’m not able to know what you are going through but you surely have your share of “stuff.” (If you’d like to share that with me, I’m a pretty good listener.) At the risk of seeming Pollyanna-ish, my hope, my prayer, is that even as you face your obstacles – sometimes sinking, other times treading water or swimming – that you can hold onto a sense that:

Yes! Life is good.