Somebody chose to do something stupid. (I can say that word here. In schools, it’s a no-no.) Maybe they didn’t think events would unfold as they did, but they knew better.
Somebody else’s sense of privilege led them to believe they were immune to consequences and they chose to do something stupid too. They also knew better.
Poor choices all around.
I have particular people in mind. You may have thought of certain other individuals as you read the above. Either or both of these sentences might refer to many individuals including you or me depending upon the day or the situation.
In my first draft, I wrote that each “did something stupid.” I changed the wording to “chose to do something stupid” because, tho’ some people would prefer not to think of it that way, we always have a choice.
I chose to seek divorce after 25 years of marriage accepting that I might be alone for the rest of my life.
I chose another action that, if it had reached my superior’s knowledge, would have ended my time in pastoral ministry even before Lyme disease did.
I chose to drink coffee even though my stomach hurt yesterday after I had a cup
In each case, I considered the possible consequences of my choice before ever taking action. But even if I hadn't, the choice was still mine to make. Part of growing fully into ourselves involves accepting this truth.
The core of Buddhist teachings – as I understand them – is that life is filled with suffering. There is no avoiding suffering yet we don’t have to be crippled by it. The first of the Buddha’s noble truths speaks of dukkha, a life that does not satisfy. At the core of all dukkha is craving or attachment. We constantly long for or cling to things that we think will fulfill us. We avoid that which we dislike. This grasping, clinging and avoidance is the source of dukkha. (That’s the second noble truth.)
My attachment to a certain idea of what marriage was supposed to be prevented me from accepting the marriage I had. I wanted a marriage like the one I’d expected. I wanted that houseful of children – most of them adopted – that I'd dreamed about and a home where we could live for decades. We moved often enough that we were accepted as potential adoptive parents in two different states but then moved before a placement could be made. I endured a lot of grief – I doubt it could have been helped – but I could have celebrated the life I had even as I grieved. Instead, I was stuck in dukkha.
Maybe it’s that I’m meditating more. Or maybe it’s just the accumulation of birthdays but I’m questioning my reasons for wanting one thing or another more than I used to. Not in the moment necessarily, but on reflection I ask: Why do I want to do this or buy that? What’s my reason for thinking I need to say something or respond a certain way. Buddhism introduces seekers to the Hungry Ghost. When I first read about the Hungry Ghost years ago, the image stuck with me. Let your mind create a picture of one with a large distended belly and a really skinny neck. This figure is, obviously, always hungry, always wanting more – more food, more sex, more fun... – but because of their small neck they never get enough to satisfy.
When the answer to my inner question about motivation is Hungry Ghost, as it often is, I pause. I pray and listen. After a while if it still seems like a right choice, I may follow through. With practice, I’m becoming more comfortable resting with the possibility. Being pregnant with it, as my colleague Markus would say.
Do I still say stupid things? Definitely, but maybe less often.
Do not be deceived; God is not mocked, for you reap whatever you sow. Galatians 6:7 NRSV
If there are consequences, we accept them. Sometimes, forgiving ourselves is all that is needed. Other times, we need to seek or offer forgiveness in order to mend a breach. In each instance, we're called through our faith to face what we've done, to amend our behavior, to repair the relationship (if possible) and to love.
Always to love. This is the path we are called to walk.
“Anybody can love those who love them or do good to those who do good to them. Should you be commended? … Instead, love your enemies and do good expecting nothing in return. If you do this, you will be acting God’s children.” Luke 6:32-35 paraphrased
If you enjoyed reading this, would you consider sharing it on your social media?
No comments:
Post a Comment