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| from Positivewordsdictionary.com |
In late December, I submitted an application to the Wisconsin Department of Instruction for a substitute teacher’s license. In the weeks that followed, I wondered about my decision. You see, when I was ordained I made certain commitments – to serve God among others – and while one can, and many do, serve beyond the local church, I hadn’t thought this would be me*. Actually, I’d been praying and considering this action for nearly two years, more since accepting that for the sake of my health I can never again serve a church as pastor, even part-time.
What would Bishop Jung say if I began teaching without first alerting him? I didn’t know but not knowing if my experiment would even work I didn’t feel compelled to notify him. Neither he nor my superintendent had checked on me since I began medical leave, and while both have big jobs, especially the last two years, this may have influenced my decision. Still, I struggled. What was I to do? As I did 25 years ago, I have prayed a lot, meditated to free my mind, listened. And listened some more. 21 years ago I received what seemed like a clear answer. Not so, this time.
For more than two years, I have worked toward healing and looked forward to a time when I might begin substitute teaching once or twice a week. Though it wasn’t the direction I’d expected my life to go, I’ve always loved teaching and, being able to think well on my feet, I’m good at subbing. I could serve God’s people this way. Subs are especially needed (and appreciated) during these pandemic times.
I believe God is good with this. Today’s UCC Still Speaking Devotional “First Things First” by Anthony Robinson clarified some of what’s been rolling around in my mind. When he was speaking at a conference, he encouraged a young pastor seeking guidance with current challenges to “ask God to show you God’s purpose, God’s calling and mission for your church. What is God calling you to do?”
Yes, churches need this message – regularly, but especially as pandemic leaves them creatively trying to figure out how to be and do church – but individuals, like you and me, also need to hear it. Robinson continued, “Call on [God] to show you that and give you what you need to be about it, and leave the other things to sort themselves out. I suspect it was something like that Jesus had in mind when he said, ‘Seek first the kingdom and these things will be given to you as well.’”
This is just what I needed to hear. I recall years ago reading a story about a teenager preparing college applications but not knowing which direction God was leading him. His wise aunt suggested that he prayerfully continue on his preferred course while being open to a possible nudge by God toward a different path. He took her advice and in so doing he grew more comfortable following God’s lead in his life. (I have too.)
By now, you may have guessed why this week was momentous for me. Last Thursday I got a call from the local school district office. They were ready for me to complete my paperwork, get a name badge and begin work. I went in Friday morning to complete the process. Monday I received notice that the state had approved my certification application. (Things falling neatly into place can also be a sign that we're following a right path.) I was excited as I haven’t been excited in a long while.
Wednesday afternoon I had my first hours of paid employment in nineteen months, substitute teaching 17 kindergartners. They are great kids and I had a wonderful time, tattling, squirming, and all. It was perfect. Thursday afternoon, I filled in for an elementary science teacher. Again, wonderful. Next week I help with 5th grade, special ed, and middle school math. I keep reminding myself not to overextend (I don't want a setback!) but this feels so good!
* In June 2020, I left pastoral ministry to focus on healing from chronic Lyme disease.
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